Sent to me by a friend of mine--I guess this is the shit you get if you add a gay guy to your email list. TwinkCode v1.12
Some people out here aren't satisfied with BearCode or SmurfCode. It doesn't speak to us. We're twinks, and damn proud of it. While bears live for hair and smurfs for humor, a twink lives for style. As such, style factors are the major way of recognizing a twink. Unlike bears and smurfs, a twink's style can't be rated by degree--to be a twink, one must have a good sense of style. The ideal twink knows what he can't wear, and how to wear what he can. The clothes make the twink.
Clothing is not exclusively the determining factor in a twink, though. The twink's crowning glory is his hair. Long or short, straight or wavy, it must be perfect. Hell is a lifetime of bad hair.
The main Twink identifier is a 4 part code comprised of:
T - Type of twink
C - Color of Hair
L - Length of Hair
and whether it's (s)traight, (w)avy, or (c)urly
T - Type of twink
1 - BeachTwink: The beach twink is often a sun-bleached blonde, well tanned, and well defined. Sub-genres of beach twink are the VBall Twink and SurferTwink.
2 - NuevoWest Twink: The old west was never quite like this. Colorful, sharp, and not nearly weathered enough, if cowboys were fashion slaves, they'd look like this.
3 - Rap Twink: Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch have nothing on this twink. Urban fashion is raised to an art form by this delicious one.
4 - The All-American Twink: Remember that quarterback you could never have in high school? This *is* him. Athletic, active, it's amazing how his hair stays in place.
5 - EuroTwink: Think of Armani suits. Think of Italian convertibles. The finest European designers would love to have him on the runway.
6 - The Twink Next Door: The boy next door never looked this good (well, mine never did). A suburban sensibility becomes a showcase for a gorgeous young guy.
7 - RadicalTwink: This twink marches to the beat of a different drummer. He may be wearing full renaissance garb (Felix, where are you?). He may be more subtle than that. But there's definitely something strange there...
8 - GymTwink: The GymTwink may attempt any of the above styles (and pull them off successfully) but it's always that drop-dead-gorgeous bod that's overshadowing everything else. Even in sack cloth (we're talking *really* radical 7 here) he'd look incredible. GymTwinks should include what style they're attempting in their code (i.e. T8(5))
9 - AppalachianTwink: Jethro Bodine (of "Beverly Hilbillies" fame) was no Twink, but his style translates well. Overalls, with or without shoes and shirt (I like w/o shirt myself) are often characteristic.
10 - GrungeTwink: "Kurt Cobain, is that you?" The ratty jeans are from Perry Ellis, the shirt is from Versace. It's amazing how stylish anti-style can be.
Twinks come in all hair colors, natural and unnatural.
C - Color of Hair
0 - black (raven)
1 - dark brown
2 - brown
3 - light brown
4 - auburn
5 - dark red
6 - bright red
7 - strawberry blonde
8 - Blonde. Most of the hair on his body is blonde.
9 - Totally Blonde. Every strand of hair on his body (by definition must be natural).
X - Other (purple, blue, etc...)
If hair color is assisted, it should list the original color in parentheses (i.e. CX(7)).
Hair length is important too. Some of us like long hair, some of us like short hair, some of us like any hair at all as long as it looks good.
L - Length of Hair
0 - Shaved/bald
1 - verrrrry short, buzzed
2 - short enough for a banker, suitable for business
3 - medium length, barely over collar
4 - shoulder length
5 - part-way down the back
6 - *really* long, like down to his butt
The last modifier is waviness of hair, and is designated by letter.
(s)traight
(w)avy
(c)urly
If curlyness is assisted, it should list the original state in parentheses - i.e. c(s).
Having covered the major points of description, it's time to get down to the sordid details. How sordid? You be the judge...
h - the 'hairlessness' factor (opposite of NBCS "f") refers to body hair.
h++ SMOOTH body - virtually no hair
h+ little hair
h some hair
(none) average body hair
h- above average body hair
h-- veritable furball (almost a bear)
(h) can be further refined to cover specific body areas:
hc - chest
hb - butt
hl - legs
hs - shins (part of leg below knee)
These can be used specifically, or to identify an area which differs from the rest of the body. Therefore, if you're smooth, except for your legs, you could
list h++(hl-). If your hairlesness is a result of shaving or depilatories, you should list the original state in parentheses, i.e. h(--)++.
d - Dizzy factor. How much of an airhead is he?
d++ Head in the clouds (or at least somebody's shorts)
d+ present mentally only on special occasions
d not totally dizzy, but noticeably so
(none) sometimes dizzy, about average
d- rarely dizzy
d-- never dizzy, even shows common sense sometimes
a - attitude
a++ attitude from hell; has enough for 20
a+ above average
a has attitude and knows how to use it
(none) attitude at times
a- mostly unpretentious
a-- no attitude, what you see is what you get.
w - the WHINE factor
w++ Will scream "I'm BOOOORRRRRRED" while you're still home and just getting dressed
w+ Will state "I'm boooorrrrrred" immediately upon arrival at destination
w Will whine, even when not needed
(none) Lets his displeasure be known when appropriate
w- Usually silent, but a peep may be heard every now and then
w-- Strong, silent type
c - color of crust (tan)
c++ dark brown
c+ a nice golden brown
c the twink has a tan
(none) doesn't get out much
c- fair skin
c-- looks like a ghost
y - youthful appearance
y++ looks like teen spirit
y+ still gets carded most every time he buys liquor
y twentysomething
(none) looks like he has been out of college for a while
y- looks like somebody's dad
y-- looks like somebody's grandfather
e - endowment (for the size queens amongst us)
e++ 8"+
e+ 6.5" - 8"
e 5.5" - 6.5"
(none) neutral
e- do you really want to let people know?
e-- you may not have much but you have guts
g - gonads (balls)
g++ huge and bursting with cream
g+ large and cream filled
g above average
(none) has two
g- do you really want to let people know?
g-- you may not have much but you have guts
f - flavor of cream
f++ very sweet, almost sickly, could be interchanged with filling of actual Hostess Twinkie (tm)
f+ sweet
f pleasant
(none) unremarkable
f- slightly bitter
f-- Campari is sweeter
t - twink hawk
t++ searches out twinks when ever possible.
t+ really likes twinkies
t would like to meet a twinkie
(none) not a twink hawk
t- doesn't care for twinkies
t-- is offended by them (why are you even here?)
t++, t+, and t people should list the style types they're attracted to - i.e. t++(4,5,6,7)
k - "the KINKY factor"... for those who dare.
k++ Will try anything once, usually twice...
k+ pretty adventurous, but moderated
k will consider trying new things
(none) kinky neutral
k- has definite ABSOLUTE dislikes
k-- totally vanilla
s - "SEX (ok, SLUT) factor
s++ strictly polygamous, prefers very open relationships ONLY.
s+ will form relationships which are generally open-ended
s neutral wrt to relationships/monogamy.
(none) relationship neutral
s- relationship oriented. Prefers a formal sort of relationship over playing around, however the scope of the word relationship is not defined here.
s-- strictly monogamous/relationship oriented. No outside affairs, or in some cases, sex ONLY in relationships
m - the Muscle factor, divided into definition and mass
m1 - muscle definition.
m1++ chiseled from marble
m1+ chiseled from oak
m1 chiseled from basswood (but still chiseled)
(none) neutral
m1- chiseled from marshmallow
m1-- chiseled from marshmallow creme
m2 - muscle mass
m2++ serious meat on them bones
m2+ more muscular than the average joe
m2 small muscles, but they're definitely there
(none) neutral
m2- well, if you *really* look hard...
m2-- wishful thinking will only get you so far
q - "the Q factor" (defined)
q++ more effeminate than Donna Reed, Florence Henderson, and RuPaul combined
q+ swishes so much they sway
q is a queen
(none) invisible
q- "straight-acting"
q-- probably should BE straight
Additional Punctuation
The following aren't graded, they are just flags attached to the overall classification:
v for variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change with time or with individual interaction
? for traits where there is no HARD information available and the value is completely guessed
: for traits which are observed but uncertain, e.g. a twink who is wearing a lot of clothes, so you can't be SURE he's an h+, but his forearms REALLY suggest that he is, hence h+
! for cases where the trait is as close to a prototype as possible, or an exemplary case of a specific trait - e.g. the ultimate h++!
() for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. A twink who goes from k to k++ depending on the situation (i.e. mostly "k") could use k(++)
You can make the punctuation as detailed as desired, although the best ones to read are the ones which are the most clear and simple to understand.
posted by Bush is God on Monday 10th April 2006, 12:40:16
homophobes.
i read it... until the third line, realised it was just
a gay version of the same 'types described'
crap you see about girls/guys/shows/politicians/etc all
over the place...
I shal minus you now for subjecting me to your pile of crap. And
again if you rebut. And again if you ever speak to me again. And again
if you look at me. And again if you utter my name. And again if....
well every damn thing you can possible do.
Well, this time you're wrong. Can't ignore them (that's
probably against the law now-a-days), and as they say know thine
enemy, keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer--hey, hey
not that close.
For the curious out there
