So... emmm... a hacker goes in a restaraunt, reads menu for a while, and
then asks a waiter:
- Okay, why does it say 050 grams, and not simply 50 grams?
- Oh, that's an octal number.
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A half carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A small head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the
cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by
the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her
marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know
that?"
[nerd-mode on]
two functions meet on a party, one is sitting alone in the
corner.
the other says: "come one, integrate yourself"
- "thats useless, im a e-function"
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several
years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe
courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and
fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he
hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five
gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer , he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in
his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the
deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
leave!"
The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to
watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up he said,
...then dragged their dead, raped-ass carcasses back down to the
pond, staking them out on the ground to use as bait for catching
the alligator, which he then also killed and raped...
...then the alligator's family sued the farmer and he
went to jail for speceial profiling. In jail he was analy
raped everyday by a big black guy named Tyrone and a big
white guy named Mitch. After two months of this a guard
found him dead in his cell, he had cut his wrists with
shards from a coffe cup.
A bogger is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather hot
blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken back that such a looker would be waving to him,
and although familiar, he can't place where he might know her from.
So he says, "Sorry, do you know me?"
She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father
of one of my children."
His mind shoots back to the one
and only time he has been unfaithful.
"Holy crap,"
he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed
on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped
me with some wet celery?"
"No," she replies,
"I'm your son's English Teacher."
A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious
neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house.
She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the
door.
He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her
situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd
jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then
remembers that he has been wanting his porch painted. He asks the blonde if
she paints?
The blonde says, "Sure anything."
"Well, I've been wanting my porch painted, how much would you
charge?" the man replies.
"I don't know, say $50 bucks."
"Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and
walks back inside.
His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the
blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to
paint the porch for $50 bucks.
The astonished wife says, "$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full
length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You
really should pay her more."
"But that's all she said she wanted, and anyway she's a dumb
blonde!"
10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door
and the blone stands there and says, "All done."
With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it,
you're already done painting the entire porch."
"Yes, and by the way it's not a porch it's a Ferrari."
A joke
