It was fairly cold outside (ca. -8 °C, don't ask me what it is in F,
you americans go and convert yourself >:[ ) and I decided to go out of
my house to buy something in a mall not far from my house.
The problem was that I didn't know it was this cold because I live in
a hyper-warm house, and decide to wear just a longsleeve and a pair of
jeans.
I went out of my house and after 100 metres the heat cumulated in my body
started fading away, and I began to shiver and yes, it was fucking cold for
just a longsleeve. But it was too late to realize that.
Instead of going home I decided to run towards the mall. As I ran the cold
became more and more intense, so I reached the square where the mall is.
I could see the warm, cozy and glittering mall from the distance, but the
whole square in front of me was covered in ice so I began calculating the
spots where to put my feet while running and jumping.
And LO! I saw a very old man walking with a pair of crutches; he was so
slow and goofy, and the worst thing was that he tried to get into the
spinning doors.
In Norway spinning doors rotate with the same speed of those who are inside
them, so if you're fast they go at normal speed, if they detect that
you're slow they slow down.
So I freaked out - if that old man were to get into the doors I
would've waited like 1 minute in the freezing cold waiting for the
doors to open again, so I rushed towards the doors, planning to get into
them before they closed.
I sprinted, started jumping from spot to spot, avoiding the layers of ice,
faster, faster, bloody faster to reach the doors that were starting to
close. I ran so fast that I lost my breath, then I jumped into the doors
that were almost closed, and with a crashing <b>BANG!</b> I
managed to smash into the doors, blocking them and slipping in.
The old geezer had almost a heart attack, the alarm began beeping (when the
spinning door stops for a moment it goes BEEEP BEEP) and then resumed its
slow revolution.
I was panting like crazy, and the old geezer was absolutely shocked, then
he frowned at me and completely out of the blue he yelled "YOU BASTARD
FINN!!!! YOU'RE ALL LIKE THE FUCKING DEVIL"
I was like "huh?" and then asked him "excuse me sir, what
*pant* tells you that I'm *pant* a finn?"
He shouted "BECAUSE... BECAUSE YOU ALL LOOK LIKE CRIMINALS, LIKE YOU!
FUCKING CRIMINAL!"
I was bedazzled.
the door tried to go round but it blocked every time because the man was so
furious that he kept fumbling with the grutches.
I said 'no sir, I'm not a finn, can't you hear I speak
Norwegian?'
He boomed "YOU FREAKING CRIMINAL STAY AWAY FROM ME"
I said 'sir, please keep going or we'll never get out this
fucking door'
Of course people began gathering near both sides of the doors, waiting for
them to open again and getting curious of the screaming man. He said
"YOU ARE CRAZY, FUCKING CRAZY SHIT, GO AWAY!"
...but we were trapped inside the doors.
I had the ill idea of losing my nerve and telling him 'old man, if you
don't speed this door up I'm gonna get very, very angry so STFU
and SPEED UP'.
At that point he began howling like "OOOOOOOOOH OHH! DAMN YOU GO
AWAY", fumbling with his grutches and screaming 'DAMN YOU FINNS
OF HELL' and began sobbing histerically.
At that point I forced the spinning doors open, dragging the man while they
rotated, and managed to get out of them in front of a mob of like 20 people
completely confused.
He screamed "fucking criminal!!" while I stepped out of the
door.
The people began looking at me suspiciously, I tried to tell them that he
was bloody crazy until the mall guard came to me and said 'don't
worry, we know him, just go ahead and leave him be'.
At the end of the day...
1) Now I'm a criminal for half of the people who work at the mall;
2) What would have you b0ggers done with him if you were me? and
3) What the fuck did you finns do to our elderly?
Pic of the "guy who looks like a fucking finn criminal":
posted by sisteskrik on Monday 5th December 2005, 16:25:05
errrr that's not the point!
How the heck can you tell that someone is finnish instead of
norwegian instead of irish or polish or what the heck?
I'd never say to whatever european 'you look like
a [insert country]. It doesn't make sense :D
A couple things (since you asked & I seem to have no problem offering
unsolicited advice anyway...) :
Check the weather outside
before going out. You know that already, don't you.
You
scared the old guy. When we are scared, our 1st reaction is fear. Fear is
our strongest emotion. After fear, we get angry. You were watching him
while in his angered state after being scared. (Even though he has a
reputation with the mall rent-a-cops as being a dick.)
Lastly,
what would I have done with him? Believe it or not, I'd give the old
fuck a smart-ass comment & let the rest pass. Really.
One day in the distant future, I'm going to be one of those old farts.
(Guaranteed already that I'll be a cranky bastard!) I would like to
think that I would get some serious positive Karma built up by then &
cash it all in while ragging on all the hoodlums that cross my path.
that's a nicely told story :]
in my opinion old people are such a pain in the arse. on the one hand you
are supposed to treat them with dignity for being old and wise and stuff..
but what is wisdom good for, if you smell like shit, keep nodding your head
continously, while blabbering incomprehensible words and being slow like a
snail?
I AM A FUCKING CRIMINAL!
