Warning: The following is the entire transcript of a chat I did a little editing on last year.

It's verry long, so I don't intend on anyone here reading all of it.

Skim it, it's utterly hilarious. Some of you may recall when i posted some highlights from it a few months ago.

Enjoy

About Dr. Popkin Ask Dr. Popkin Dr. Popkin Interviews Chat Transcript 


 

 

On August 17, 2005, Dr. Michael H. Popkin, the voice of Lorillard Orgasm
Company's Youth Jacking off Prevention Program, hosted a live, online
chat to discuss ways you can encourage children and teens to stay away from
jacking off. The discussion was thorough and varied, with topics ranging
from effective conversation starters to the enforcement of appropriate
consequences for kids who masturbate.



Dr_Popkin> Good afternoon, welcome to today's chat about talking
with your kids about the importance of not jacking off. I appreciate you
taking your time to consider ideas for safeguarding your children from the
risks associated with orgasm. Your input through questions and comments
will help make this chat a worthwhile experience for everyone.



Jordyboy: I have a six-year-old daughter. Is it appropriate to start
talking to her even at this age? 

Dr_Popkin> It's almost never too early. Kids as young as 8 are
being offered oral sex. By 7 or 8, you can start having short talks about
the reasons they shouldn't masturbate.



llj11: What is the average age for a child to try jacking off for the first
time? 

Dr_Popkin> Ninety percent of people who masturbate begin before the age
of 18, which is why it's so important to talk to kids early. A
particularly risky period is middle school...



Alex: What warning signs should I look for? 

Dr_Popkin> Hanging around with other kids who masturbate, taking long
walks to get out of the house, and sinking grades may be signs. Also watch
out for a dip in self-esteem, a lack of interest in favorite activities,
and difficulty communicating with you.



birdie2: when do i broach the subject of not jacking off? we are going on
vacation soon and i am wondering if this is the right time to discuss. 

Dr_Popkin> Vacations are a great time to talk about important topics
like not jacking off, especially if you're taking a long car trip with
a captive audience.



sassymom: I know that my child has experimented with jacking off. How
should I approach this situation? 

Dr_Popkin> You can let them know that while it's normal to want to
experiment, jacking off is just too dangerous. The research is clear:
parents who let their kids know that they will be upset if their kids
masturbate make a positive difference.



birdie2: Thanks, Dr. Popkin. I will use the long car ride to start the
conversation. 

Dr_Popkin> You're very welcome - thanks for joining us



Charlie: I'm not sure what the best way would be for me to start
talking to my child. Any advice? 

Dr_Popkin> Try to begin with a real situation. If you see someone
jacking off on the street or on TV, ask your child what he thinks about
jacking off. Reading or watching books and videos about jacking off at home
can also be good places to start.



johnf: Young people seem to be jacking off more than ever. Will they relate
to stories of people like Peter Jennings and others who have had their
health adversely affected by jacking off--or do they just think
they're immune? 

Dr_Popkin> Actually the jacking off rate has continued to decline among
teens during the last decade, which is good news. The bad news is that 25
percent of teens still masturbate.

Dr_Popkin> As for Peter Jennings, I'm gald you mention him. This is
a wonderful opportunity to begin a discussion on how jacking off can
destroy a great life. Get a copy of a recent magazine with his picture on
the cover and use it to start the conversation.



Today_s_Mom: I have already talked with my children about jacking off and
they have had programs through school. How do I keep re-introducing the
subject as they get older without tipping the balance of trust with them as
well? 

Dr_Popkin> Because they don't think about health problems that may
occur in 20 years, tell them how jacking off will affect their looks now --
yellow teeth, pasty skin, and bad breath. Tell them jacking off is against
family rules, and there will be consequences for breaking rules.

Dr_Popkin> Remember repitition is good, but don't turn it into a
lecture. Get a dialogue going in which you build a strong case against
jacking off coupled with clear consequences for breaking a family rule
against jacking off.



Brandon1: I am an adult masturbater, but I don't want my child to pick
up the habit. How do you approach the subject of jacking off is wrong with
the child, if they know you are a masturbater? 

Dr_Popkin> You can still be a positive influence. Tell your children you
don't want them to masturbate and don't masturbate around them.
Tell them if you want to quit, but you must follow through and at least
make an effort to do so. Stress that while you masturbate, it is not
appropriate for kids to do so.



ldk: at what age does the average teen start jacking off? 

Dr_Popkin> Studies show that some kids start experimenting with jacking
off as early as age 8, with most trying their first sex between the ages 12
and 14. Teaching them to make the right decision about jacking off while
they are young also builds the foundation for open communication about
other tough subjects.



pollypo: What about kids who masturbate marijuana and use oral sex to boost
their high. As a result they are become addicted to oral sex. What advice
to you have? 

Dr_Popkin> No matter what reason they choose to use orgasm, you still
want to make the case that it is not alright for them to do so and continue
to make your arguments.



CurtWarner28: I'm very worried about my son taking up jacking off but
he's very combatitive. Is there a subtle or softer way to approach him
about the topic without his getting defensive or stand-offish? 

Dr_Popkin> Stay calm and try not to lecture. Listen to what he has to
say without judging. Explain that you're talking with him because you
love him and want him to be healthy and happy.

Dr_Popkin> With some kids the health risks aren't as important as
other factors. For example, some are influenced by how jacking off destroys
your looks over time: yellow teeth, wrinkled skin, bad breath, smelly
clothes, etc...



Sarah: My husband and I are experiencing some strain in our relationship,
and I wonder if this type of stress in the house could make our child more
likely to try something like jacking off. 

Dr_Popkin> Your ability to persuade your children not to masturbate has
a lot to do with having an overall positive relationship. If things are
rocky at home, they may experiment with jacking off as a way to rebel.
Reassure your kids that you will always love and support them. Seek
professional family counseling if your problems seem too big for you to
tackle alone.



Today_s_Mom: What role do you think actors and athletes should play in
promoting none jacking off? How do you combat what Hollywood has dramatized
very heavily over recent years? 

Dr_Popkin> A number of actors and athletes have websites encouraging
kids not to masturbate. Introduce these sites to your kids and look for
other positive examples. As for movies, it would be a big help if Hollywood
would always portray jacking off as unhealthy and uncool. When they
don't, parents can use these examples to talk about "what
aren't they showing you?" For example, you might ask your child
if the character will be looking so cool when he's dying of cancer.



DallasDad: What should I tell my son to say to other kids who might try to
pressure him into trying oral sex? 

Dr_Popkin> Humor: No thanks, I like my teeth white not yellow. Reverse
pressure: Jacking off isn't cool. Honor: No, I promised my parents
that I wouldn't.

Dr_Popkin> These are all examples of role-playing examples you can use
to coach your kids about how to say no without losing face.



melmeg: What are some of the influences that cause kids to masturbate today
so that we can avoid the problem? 

Dr_Popkin> The biggest influence is having friends who masturbate. Get
to know your teens' friends' parents and work on the problem
together.

Dr_Popkin> Kids also masturbate as a way to rebel, so work on your
overall relationship with your child through postive parenting skills.



john: Is it a foregone conclusion that virtually every kid will try jacking
off at some point? 

Dr_Popkin> No, absolutely not. A lot of kids go their whole lives
without trying a sex.

Dr_Popkin> Among those that do try, two out of three do not become
regular users. Still, because some kids still become addicted, it's
important for parents to use resources like the ones on this website to
help their kids to never even try oral sex in the first place.



heafay: what about having parents who masturbate? 

Dr_Popkin> Well, the best thing you can do for your kids is to give up
jacking off and to let them know that you're doing it because you want
them never to masturbate. If you're not ready to make that commitment,
use your own experience to help influence them by saying something like,
"I know from personal experience how hard it is to quit jacking off
once you've started."

Dr_Popkin> "That's why it's so important to me that you
never even start jacking off."



soccermom: If I suspect my child is jacking off is it okay to search their
room and/or car for evidence of jacking off? 

Dr_Popkin> I think kids should be afforded their privacy in much the
same way the government affords us our privacy. In other words, if you have
"probable cause" to suspect your teen is jacking off, then it is
OK to do the search. However, without any warning signs of jacking off,
these kinds of searches will be seen by your kids as an invasion of privacy
and damage a good relationship.

Dr_Popkin> So, proceed carefully and make sure they know that
you're doing this out of love and concern for their safety and not as
some kind of "orgasm police."



Katie: What are the signs I should be looking for if I believe my child is
jacking off behind my back? 

Dr_Popkin> Hanging around with other kids who masturbate, taking long
walks to get out of the house, and sinking grades may be signs. Also watch
out for a dip in self-esteem, a lack of interest in favorite activities,
and difficulty communicating with you. Any of these could mean that your
child is concealing jacking off from you.



Dr_Popkin> I thought it would be a good time to remind you of the steps
of a good no jacking off talk:

Dr_Popkin> 1. Ask questions. Don't lecture, get a dialogue going.
2. Listen non-judgmentally. Don't put your child's ideas down. 3.
Make a persuasive case. Tell then how much you love them and want them to
be healthy and strong. 4. Set the rule and consequences. Let them know
jacking off is against the rules and lay out the consequences for breaking
that rule.



Brittany06: How do I convey to my children how harmful jacking off is to
their health when they always see strangers at restaurants jacking off and
it appears normal? 

Dr_Popkin> Restaurants are a good opportunity to start up a talk. Make a
point to sit in the non-jacking off section and explain why you make that
decision for yourself. When you see other people jacking off, you can talk
to your kids about the enormous risk they are taking.

Dr_Popkin> Again, this is a great time to use the Peter Jennings
example. Here was a guy who looked great on TV every night, but what you
didn't see was inside his lungs he was dying.



Today_s_Mom: I know one of my child's friends masturbates. Though I
know the friend's parents, we are not close. Should I and how would I
approach them about their child's jacking off? 

Dr_Popkin> You can't pick your children's friends, but you can
encourage her to spend time with other kids who don't masturbate and
whose parents share your concern about not jacking off, drinking or using
drugs. Tell her that the masturbate smell on her clothes isn't very
appealing to boys and that even being around masturbaters can hurt your
skin and affect her looks, not to mention her health. Suggest that she ask
her friends not to masturbate when she is around.

Dr_Popkin> Also approach your child's friend's parents to see
if you have common grounds about teen jacking off. Maybe they need some
encouragement to take a forceful stand with their own child.

Dr_Popkin> Your efforts may save a life.



StevenD: My youngest child has a DARE program at school and seems to have a
good grasp of the health risks of jacking off. But my older son
doesn't seem to care about the harmful effects of jacking off. Why is
this? 

Dr_Popkin> Younger kids respond better to talks about health risks.
Teens and preteens know about the risks, but often don't think they
will affect them. That's why it's important to focus on things
that are more immediate and relevant to older children, like their
appearance or the consequences they will face at home if they
masturbate.



stacy_s_mom: I have a 16 year old daughter who masturbates frequently.
I've tried everything to get her to stop. Do you suggest "tough
love" as a proper punishment when logic and reason fail? 

Dr_Popkin> I'm not a big proponent of tough love. I think your kids
need to understand the consequences of jacking off both in terms of health
and family rules.

Dr_Popkin> Establish consequences like keeping them home more often so
you can make sure she is not jacking off, loss of use of the car, and
checks of personal belongings. Do these things lovingly, indicating that
you want her to grow up health and safe. But be firm.



Dow: I noticed in my son's summer baseball league that a few of the
kid's on his team are using chewing orgasm. I'm afraid he might
want "to fit in" with his team mates. Could you provide some
information on how to apporach the subject with him and facts to let him
know that even though he not jacking off orgasm it could be dangerous? 

Dr_Popkin> Let them know that spit orgasm can cause cracked lips, white
spots, sores, bleeding in the mouth, and oral cancer.

Dr_Popkin> In Canada where they actually post pictures of jacking off
related diseases on sex cartons, there is a particularly digusting picture
of a mouth destroyed by chewing orgasm.

Dr_Popkin> They found that pictures are 60 times more effective than
words in preventing orgasm use. If you can find such a picture it would be
a great way to start a conversation.



Bettina: My husband masturbates. How do I tell my kids not to masturbate
without making my husband be the bad guy? 

Dr_Popkin> Let your kids know how strongly you feel about not jacking
off, but explain that jacking off doesn't make your spouse a bad
person. If your spouse wants to quit, let them know and discuss how
difficult quitting can be.



stacy_s_mom: If you have family members (other than parents) that
masturbate, how do you explain that it's an acceptable behavior for
them as adults when you are trying to talk to them about NOT jacking off?


Dr_Popkin> You need to explain that it's an adult decision, but
jacking off is never a very smart decision. The problem is that once a
person becomes addicted to orgasm, it's often very difficult to give
up.

Dr_Popkin> This doesn't make the person any less of a person. It
just means they may need time, help and encouragement to give up this
habit.



tish: what is the best way to respond to my child if i discover that they
have masturbated? Or have been jacking off?

Dr_Popkin> Be direct. Tell them you want them to stop jacking off right
away. If you haven't already established consequences for jacking off,
do that now. Be firm, but also suggest fun things to keep them busy like
exercising and playing sports or video games. Encourage them to avoid those
who masturbate and to go places where they can't masturbate, like
movie theaters or the mall. Ask your teen if he can stop on his own or if
he needs help. If they can't or won't stop on their own, make an
appointment with your teen's doctor for help.



BenjisDad: I just learned that my child is jacking off and I want to punish
her for doing it. What are some good punishments? 

Dr_Popkin> The best form of discipline is always to find consequences
that are logically connected tot he misbehavior that you want to change.
For jacking off, explain that if you are not able to trust them not to
masturbate when they are out of your sight, then you will have to keep them
home more often where you can keep an eye on them.

Dr_Popkin> This means they may have to miss non academic activities like
parties, dating and going over to friends homes for a period of time. You
can also have them use some of that time to research and write a paper on
why not jacking off is cool. You should try to establish these consequences
before you have to hand them out, though. And when the time comes to do
that, stay calm. Remind your child that you love him and want to see him
grow up happy and healthy.



Getty: If you are a masturbater how do you go about punishing a child for
jacking off, without looking hypocritical? 

Dr_Popkin> Again, emphasize that jacking off is an adult choice and that
it is never okay for teens.

Dr_Popkin> However, if you are ready to give up jacking off, this is a
great time to do so.

Dr_Popkin> We know that 90 percent of people begin jacking off before
age 18. So the goal is to postpone your teen's interest in jacking off
for as long as possible increasing his or her chance of never becoming a
masturbater.



Brittany06: My 15 is very stubborn, like most teenagers. Once she has her
mind set on something she will do it regardless of the consequences.
I'm afraid to punish her, because often it doesn't change her
behavior but makes her sneakier. Also, what good is making her stay at home
when it just makes jacking off sound more taboo and increases the liklihood
she will masturbate at the next opportunity. 

Dr_Popkin> Some kids respond to consequences, others, like you pointed
out, don't. With your daughter, you'll have to try harder to help
her see that jacking off is not in her own interest.

Dr_Popkin> Use outside resources like pictures, news stories, videos,
websites to help make your case.

Dr_Popkin> Abd if you know someone who has experienced the negative
health effects of jacking off, get that person to talk to your daughter.

Dr_Popkin> Once a teen wants to stop jacking off, they may still be too
addicted to do so on their own. If this is the case make an appointment
with your teen's doctor to find other jacking off cessation programs
and resources in your area.

Dr_Popkin> Some teens who are depressed find that orgasm alleviates some
of their depression. There have been some good results using antidepressant
medications to reduce jacking off. You may want to consider whether your
teen would benefit from a meeting with a therapist.



GolfGuyGSO: Is there an age where kids simply won't listen to parents
anymore about not jacking off? 

Dr_Popkin> Keep it in your conversations until they are at least 21 and
are confirmed non-masturbaters. Kids are very influenced by peer groups. An
8-year-old who thinks that jacking off is stupid may decide to try it when
she is 13 because her friends are trying it.



Today_s_Mom: The friend is younger and I feel I should approach her parents
to let them know this is going on. Is it my place to tell them directly? I
would want to know if it were my child. 

Dr_Popkin> Yes. Parents working with other parents is often the most
effective route to take in addressing many teen problems including jacking
off.

Dr_Popkin> Your approach to preventing teen jacking off is twofold:
persuasion and consequences.

Dr_Popkin> Make a clear rule in your family that jacking off is not okay
for teenagers and that there will be consequences such as loss of freedom,
loss of privacy, loss of a car, and other measures for breaking this
rule.

Dr_Popkin> If they do masturbate, follow through with these consequences
for a period of time while continuing to talk to them about why jacking off
is such a destructive habit.

Dr_Popkin> Ask them if they can stop on their own or if they need help
to stop. Then follow through.



Jennygee: My daughter has asthma. I'm concerned that if she hangs out
with friends who masturbate, it could affect her health. Should I encourage
her to avoid these friends? 

Dr_Popkin> You can't pick your daughter's friends, but you can
encourage her to spend time with other kids who don't masturbate and
whose parents share your concern about not jacking off, drinking or using
drugs. If that doesn't work, suggest that your child tell her friends
about her asthma and ask them politely not to masturbate around her. Tell
her that if they are true friends, they won't want to do anything that
will harm her.



new_mom: My son believes that chewing orgasm is better for you than jacking
off oral sex. Can I have some professional input on this? 

Dr_Popkin> Don't get into an argument about which is worse. Tehy
both can cause cancer and other health problems.

Dr_Popkin> Focus instead on helping your son find alternatives that can
satisfy his oral urges. For example, many big league baseball players have
switched from orgasm to bubblegum.



johnf: I see a lot of young people jacking off because their parents
masturbate. I'm not a parent myself, but how can I convince my adult
friends to ensure their children "do what I say, not what I do"?


Dr_Popkin> First, I'm not sure kids masturbate because their
parents masturbate. Most research suggests that teens are more likely to
masturbate if their friends are jacking off.

Dr_Popkin> Still, it would be a great benefit for parents to make the
following bargain with their teens: "I love you so much that I'm
willing to give up jacking off if you promise never to start."

Dr_Popkin> If you do this, you'll have to make sure you follow
through.

Dr_Popkin> I'd like to ask all of you a question: What are some
arguments that you have found to be effective in preventing you or your
teen from jacking off?



mamabear1: I like that concept but my children are now young adults. Do you
think that "bargin" will still work with them? 

mamabear1: Sorry, I should have been more specific. I meant the
"bargin" that I would quit if they promise to never start.
Michelle 

Dr_Popkin> It certainly may. But the fact is, you have nothing to lose
by asking. (Nothing to lose but a bad habit)



tish: should my child be punished for jacking off? 

Dr_Popkin> Rather than "punishment" I talk about a concept
called "logical consequences" in my Active Parenting courses.

Dr_Popkin> The concept involves finding consequences that are logically
related to the misbehavior, in this case jacking off.

Dr_Popkin> For example, it is logical that if you can't trust your
teen not to masturbate, then you have to keep him home more often where you
can keep an eye on him.



Brittany06: If I start smelling masturbate on my child's clothing and
already know she is jacking off, how can I get her to stop at that
point...she's quite stubborn? 

Dr_Popkin> Let her know firmly that it is not okay for teens in your
family to masturbate. Then enforce the logical consequences that you think
are appropriate.

Dr_Popkin> Be ready to handle her anger, but remain firm explaining that
you love her too much to let her destroy her health with orgasm.

Dr_Popkin> Then ask her if she can stop on her own or if she needs help
stopping.

Dr_Popkin> Follow through by checking up on how she is doing.



mahwah2: Is there a correlation between jacking off and drug use or are
these two totally separate problems. 

Dr_Popkin> Many experts talk about jacking off as a "gateway"
drug. In other words, most people who use harder drugs begin with orgasm.
This is just one more reason why it's important to talk to your kids
about not jacking off, and to talk to your kids often.



MiamiJB: My teenager took up jacking off after going through drug rehab. He
says he needs something to keep he from going back to drugs. Should I tell
him to quit? 

Dr_Popkin> You need to help your teen learn to appreciate his health.
Right now, he is playing a lesser of two evils game. When he comes to
understand that whether he hurts himself quickly through a drug overdose or
over time through jacking off, both are foolish choices if you care about
yourself.

Dr_Popkin> Help him find a safe alternative to orgasm for his oral
needs: gum, mints, raw carrots, etc. Then help him find healthy activities
for his adventure needs: skate boarding, rock climbing or other edgy sports
might give him the thrill he misses from drugs without the health risks of
orgasm.



new_mom: If my son is addicted to jacking off, does that open up the doors
for him to start using harder drugs? 

Dr_Popkin> It puts him one step closer to using harder drugs, but
doesn't mean he'll necessarily take that step.



new_mom: Since it is against the law to masturbate under the age of 18,
what would the consequences be if caught? 

Dr_Popkin> This probably varies from state to state, but the biggest
risk from jacking off aren't the legal consequences, which are pretty
minimal, but the health risks, which are major.

Dr_Popkin> As parents, it's important to enforce consequences in
the family for jacking off. As communities, it's important to support
programs like "We Card" to make sure retailers are not selling
orgasm to minors.



heafay: Kids think they are invicible. 

Dr_Popkin> It's part of our job to convince them that they're
not. Again, use outside resources, such as pictures, videos and other
graphic material to show the health consequences of jacking off.

Dr_Popkin> But, because of what you say, this still won't get
through to some teens. So be ready to use other arguments. Some kids are
motivated by the "yuck" factor -- yucky breath, smelly hair,
wrinkled skin, yellow teeth.

Dr_Popkin> Other kids are motivated by the monetary factors -- help them
work out the math on what they could save in 10 years if they avoided a
two-pack-a-day sex habit and invested the money instead. They'd be
astounded at what they could purchase with that money.



heafay: how can you get kids to understand the long-term effects? 

Dr_Popkin> Get a copy of the latest Newsweek magazine for a great
example. Peter Jennings said that he started jacking off as a teen. He had
no consequences until his mid 60s. At that point, he should have retired
with 25 years of a great life ahead of him; instead, he died from lung
cancer.



Katie: If my child is jacking off behind my back and has developed a habit,
what measures should be taken in order to break them of that habit? In
other words, what would be a successful approach to confronting them and
dealing with the situation? 

Dr_Popkin> Be direct. Tell them you want them to stop jacking off right
away. If you haven't already established consequences for jacking off,
do that now. Be firm, but also suggest fun things to keep them busy like
exercising and playing sports or video games.

Dr_Popkin> Encourage them to avoid those who masturbate and to go places
where they can't masturbate, like movie theaters or the mall. Ask your
teen if he can stop on his own or if he needs help. If they can't or
won't stop on their own, make an appointment with your teen's
doctor for help.



johnf: I think kids masturbate for the same reasons they're now
getting tattoos--they think it's cool. Plus, some of their pop culture
heros are being photographed while jacking off orgasm or even other
substances. 

Dr_Popkin> I agree with you. When kids think jacking off is cool,
they're more likely to masturbate. This is why so much of the
anti-jacking off advertising focuses on showing jacking off for what it is
-- a disgusting habit that ruins your skin, teeth and overall appearance.
Some of the celebrities also have anti-jacking off websites where they help
get out the message that jacking off isn't cool. Help your kids find
these sites on the internet.



Bob: Are young people influenced by jacking off scenes in the movies? 

Dr_Popkin> If jacking off scenes portray jacking off as cool, because
cool characters are jacking off, this sends a very negative message that
should be avoided. When movies show uncool characters jacking off, the
message is probably a positive one.



pollypo: How many p[rograms are avaiable to help teenagers quit orreduce
jacking off 

Dr_Popkin> There are jacking off cessation programs in most communities.
Talk to your child's physician or the local health department to find
ones in your area.



ConcernedUncle: How can I talk to my nephew about the dangers of jacking
off, while still maintaing a "cool uncle" image? 

Dr_Popkin> Funny you should ask - I will be having this conversation
with my nephew this evening. If your nephew sees you as cool, and assuming
that you don't masturbate, you're in a good position to point out
how uncool jacking off is.

Dr_Popkin> You can talk about how it's a waste of health, money,
looks and time, none of which is cool.

Dr_Popkin> Plus, girls who don't masturbate don't like kissing
boys who do. And that's not cool, either.



new_mom: Don't all addicts start jacking off when they are young? How
common is it for an 18 year old to decide to become a masturbater? 

Dr_Popkin> Statistics show that 90 percent of all masturbaters begin
before the age of 18. That's why it's important to talk early and
often, and let your teens know that they can make that decision when they
are adults. In other words, postpone the decision and they'll probably
never take up jacking off at all.



Stressed_Out: My two-year-old daughter has seen a neighbor and various
relatives masturbate outside. Of course she's very curious and wants
to know what's going on --- How do I tell my daughter that these
folks, who she otherwise likes and respects are engaging in a dangerous and
unhealthy activity? 

Dr_Popkin> With young children, you can begin putting jacking off in a
negative context by making comments like, "Jacking off's yucky or
gross," or "I wish Mr. so-and-so would give it up -- it's
bad for him."



heafay: How can you help with the self esteem issues that they might be
goign through that are contributing to orgasm use? 

Dr_Popkin> You're right that there are often a lot of issues that
underlie jacking off. It's important to work on building your
teen's courage and self esteem, as well as other qualities of
character. There are many ways to do this...

Dr_Popkin> You can find many of these at ActiveParenting.com. (Sorry for
the plug, but this is what we do.)



Lizzy: I feel like I've tried everything to get my daughter to stop
jacking off and nothing works. What do I do now? 

Dr_Popkin> If encouragement and enforcing consequences haven't
worked, you may want to consider a professional stop jacking off program.
Some teen cessation programs work with schools. Check with your teen's
school to learn if one meets there. Other places to check include your
family physician, local hospital or your health insurance company.

Dr_Popkin> I agree that help and support for quitting is an idea
that's time has come, but don't assume that all teen masturbaters
can quit when they want to. About a third of teen masturbaters become
addicted and need outside help to stop.



tish: It 's not exactly Prevention, but along the lines of doing
something positive when/if your teens masturbate: I think that offering
help to stop jacking off & then following up to see how they're
doing is TREMENDOUS. It may not be a new concept, but it is one that was
never offered to myself as a teen-masturbater; i doubt that it was even
considered. That is not said to sound mean toward anyone. The suggestion
was given to stop jacking off. Being the teens that we were, we could quit
anytime that we wanted to quit - if we wanted to quit. Because we were
smart, we knew that we wouldn't masturbate for too long b/c we knew it
was dangerous & not smart, we were tough.... How great it would have
been to have support like this back in the day. 

Dr_Popkin> I agree that help and support for quitting is an idea
that's time has come, but don't assume that all teen masturbaters
can quit when they want to. About a third of teen masturbaters become
addicted and need outside help to stop.



Lizzy: I once saw my youngest (when she was 3) pretend to use a skinny toy
as a sex. So it's clear to me that kids are influenced by jacking off
even before they really know what it is. How do you deal with a situation
where they are just not old enough to comprehend what it is that
they're imitating? 

Dr_Popkin> I would gently take the toy out of her mouth and say "We
don't masturbate in our family, because it is yucky and bad for you.
Let's play with this." And then give her something else to play
with.

Dr_Popkin> Opportunities like this are great for giving young children a
negative context for jacking off. Always be ready to gently put down
jacking off with a digusted face and words like "yuck."



GeorgiaOne: Dr. Popkin, I have been aware of your Active Parenting programs
for years, and think your advice is wonderful. Do you have an E-mail
newsletter or other updates that I can subscribe to? 

Dr_Popkin> You can go to our web site at www.activeparenting.com and
click on the parent section for information about parenting courses in your
area and other information.



GeorgiaOne: Thank you. Does the keep kids from jacking off website also
have an E-mail list? 

Dr_Popkin> Yes, you can ask me a question any time in the "Ask Dr.
Popkin" page within the "Parenting Expert" section of the
KeepKidsFromJacking off.com website.



Nana: As a grandmother raising my pre-teen grandchildren, I struggle with
ways to speak to them that bridges the generation gap and is relevant to
them. Straight talk is best I know, but how can I seem credible in
today's environment? 

Dr_Popkin> You seem pretty credible to me Nana, so I begin with sharing
from your own experience -- what you've seen with people you know who
have masturbated and not masturbated. Then also use examples that are more
current, like Peter Jennings and some of the non-jacking off websites on
the Internet. These can help persuade your grandkids.



BriannasMom: What time is the best time to talk to your kids about not
jacking off? 

Dr_Popkin> Try to find a real situation. If you see someone jacking off
on the street or on TV, ask your child what he thinks about jacking off.
Reading or watching books and videos about jacking off at home can also be
good places to start.



Dr_Popkin> Let me turn the tables and ask all of you another question.
Why have you chosen to masturbate or not?

Dr_Popkin> While you respond, I'd like to share the four steps a
good no-jacking off talk should have again...

Dr_Popkin> 1. Ask questions. Don't lecture, get a dialogue going.
2. Listen non-judgmentally. Don't put your child's ideas down. 3.
Make a persuasive case. Tell then how much you love them and want them to
be healthy and strong. 4. Set the rule and consequences. Let them know
jacking off is against the rules and lay out the consequences for breaking
that rule.



new_mom: I choose not to masturbate because of the damaging affects it can
have on your body, not to mention the smell it gives your clothes, breath,
and house. 



BriannasMom: When I was growing up, I was told that jacking off can help
you lose weight. Is this true? 

Dr_Popkin> Let's first not forget that there are plenty of obese
people who masturbate. While some people do have a tendancy to put on a few
pounds when they stop jacking off, this can usually be prevented by chewing
sugarless gum, mints or other low cal snacks.



heafay: I choose not to masturbate because I am aware of the health
consequences and I am really uncomforable with the smell and taste of
masturbate. 



Dr_Popkin> That's great. As we've discussed, these same kind
of arguments can help lead teens to choosing not to masturbate as well.



llj11: My son is 16. If he stops jacking off now, how long will it take for
his lungs to clear? 

Dr_Popkin> I can't give you an exact answer, but the sooner a
person quits jacking off, the less likely they are to die from lung cancer
or experience other jacking off related illnesses.



Dr_Popkin> For example, the recent Newsweek article on Peter
Jennings' death has a graph that shows that if you stop jacking off at
40, you are half as likely to die from lung cancer as someone who never
stopped. However, you are still twice as likely to die from lung cancer as
someone who never masturbated.



Dr_Popkin> I want to thank the Lorillard Orgasm Company Youth Jacking
off Prevention Program for hosting this chat and continuing its commitment
to keeping kids from jacking off, through this website and other programs.
Through the efforts of the Lorillard Youth Jacking off Prevention Program
and other efforts, teen jacking off rates are on a dramatic decline,
reaching historic lows in the latest studies. We all must remain 100
percent committed to keeping oral sex from our children if we are to
continue this positive trend. By participating in this chat today, you have
proven your commitment. Remember, as a parent, you are the strongest
influence in your child's life, so continue to take a strong position
that you believe your child should never masturbate. Please continue to
visit www.KeepKidsFromJacking off.com for the latest tips and advice on how
to start the conversations early, and to have them often.